The Odinsons go House Hunting
by Makolin808
Summary: Thor and Loki appear on tonight's very special episode of House Hunters, premiering tonight at 8! Don't Miss it! Rated T for strong language.


Thor and Loki are searching for a house on Earth. Thor wants a house with classic charm, but Loki wants a more modern, updated look. Will these two be able to find a compromise? Or will these brothers fight for dominance tonight on House Hunters.

"Now that I can visit Earth whenever I want, I need a place to stay here on Midgard."

"If you love that Jane so much why don't you live with _her_, Thor?"

"Uh, because that would be indecent to have an unmarried couple living under one roof, Loki. I know this because I read it in _The Watchtower_."

"Then what about… _us,_" said Loki seductively.

Thor completely disregarded that statement and then continued on like normal, "So, yeah, we're looking for a home with a lot of classic charm. You know, massive pillars, marble statues, tall spikey gold towers, adequate defense system, and all for about 175-210k."

"Uh, no, what we're ACTUALLY looking for a sleek and modern Earth style home. Granite tabletops-"

"Shut up Loki. I'm the older brother and I make the decisions around here, said Thor, as he pushed Loki off camera.

The first house they visited was a 1950's bungalow.

The realtor talked to them excitedly as she walked them up to the charming home, "Now this house was built in 1954. It's one story, it has two bedrooms and-"

Thor cut the realtor off as he pointed to the front entrance and shouted, "Brother, look here at this tiny door! Tiny thieves could sneak into our home at night! This is unacceptable!"

"Um… That's a doggie door…" The frazzled realtor politely responded, "You know… For dogs..?"

"I do not know what a dog is," said Thor is response.

"_I _know what a dog is," said Loki smugly.

"Yeah you would, Mister I-Have-Sex-With-Animals."

Loki made his poutiest of pouty faces as the realtor attempted to get things back on track, "Uh.. why don't you two take a look around."

"This living room is _too small_," said Loki sneeringly as he entered the living room.

"This kitchen is _too small_," said Loki sneeringly as he entered the kitchen.

"This bathroom is _too small_," said Loki sneeringly as he entered the master bath.

"This bedroom is-"

"OH MY GOD SHUT UP," Said Thor, as he threw Loki out of the window.

Loki teleported back inside and whispered into Thor's ear, "_too small_."

Thor let out a scream of rage and trashed the house, reducing it to a pile of rubble.

The next house they visited was another, larger home, but it was way over-budget at 300k.

Before the realtor could even say anything, Loki started out with, "Yeah it's just… You know, I think it's too far from home. What if I wanted to visit dear old dad? I don't think I could handle the commute."

"OH MY GOD, LOKI, WE COULD LITERALLY HAVE HEIMDAL OPEN THE GATE FOR US FROM ANYWHERE THAT DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL."

"Ugh, you don't have to yell, Thor, GOSH."

They looked around the rest of the house. The realtor didn't bother talking to them because they were fucking aliens and trying to explain every little thing to them was just exhausting.

"Mhm, yes, this is a good house! I could definitely see myself banging Jane in this very bedroom."

"OH MY GOD I DIDN'T NEED TO HEAR THAT."

"Oh, but you will hear it, brother," Thor said as he brought Loki close to his face. "You'll hear it _ever single night_."

Loki began to cry because his virgin ears couldn't handle the lewdness.

"Yes, this house is a good one."

The third house was a modern city home, recently built and full furnished, and far under-budget due to the absolutely awful location.

The realtor didn't even bother to show up because it was pointless to try and convince the two of anything.

"Ah, yes, the busy street, the barking dogs, the creepy naked man across the street, this house is perfect!" Loki said excitedly.

"Are you joking? This sucks. This sucks A LOT."

"No, it's really nice! The filled in pool and lack of a toilet really gives it character!"

"You're as blind as you are an ugly, pimply virgin, Loki."

Loki threw a temper tantrum and Odin had to come down from Asgard and giving him spankings as punishment.

After seeing all three houses, it was up to the two brothers to make their decision.

"Okay, we have to eliminate one of our choices," said Thor.

"Let's get rid of the one you destroyed," Loki responded.

"Okay, good idea."

"So that leaves us with the classic two-story and the modern city shit hole."

"I know which one you liked, but it was just so far…"

"We aren't talking about that again. I've made my decision."

"Oh my god, Thor you could at least pretend like you want to hear my opinion."

"Well, I don't so there. Also dad likes me better and mom thinks you're ugly. So suck it, nerd."

Loki started crying and flipped the table over, but he flipped it too high and it came crashing back down on top of him!

"Oh no! Loki, my brother!"

"Ugh… I think I'm… gonna… die…"

"No, no, you're not!" Said Thor as he desperately tried to stop Loki's forehead from squirting blood into his beautiful blue eyes.

Thor managed to free Loki from the table, but it was too late! All he could do was watch his brother die in his sexy buff arms.

Loki whispered quietly with his dying breath, "I always did… kinda like you…"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Screamed Thor into the wind and rain as he held Loki's wimp body in his sexy buff arms. "I will get the house you liked to honor your memory, dear brother."

Three months later, we came back to see how Thor was doing.

"Well, it's been hard, dealing with the death of my brother and simultaneously moving into a new home. It sure would have been nice to have used him as a pack mule to bring all my stuff in…"

Thor gazed off into the distance with his dreamy dreamboat eyes. Just then, there was a knock at the door! "Who is that, I wonder?"

"It is I, your mysterious sexy mailman," said the mysterious sexy mailman.

"Oh, do you have a package for me?" Asked Thor inquisitively.

"Yes… It's…" The mailman ripped off his mustache to reveal…

"LOKI?!"

"Yes! It me! I le tricked you into buying the house _I _wanted! NOW YOU SUCK IT NERD!"

Thor punched Loki so hard his eyes fell out. Then he had to take care of him forever because he went blind, but it was okay because he would tell him he was feeding him his favorite brand of baby food, but it was actually shit and he wouldn't even know until he put it in his mouth.

The End


End file.
